It seems like ever since I started this website I have been receiving more attention, treats, and petting.  Those things are nice, and I thank you all that have sent emails and visited my website, but WOOF sometimes the attention can get to you.

I had an incident happen to me lastnight when I was in the bathtub.  Now I can sympathize with the plight of Nick Lachey for having racy photos published of me.  Like Nick, Miss New Jersey, and Paris my rights have been violated but I feel it’s best to get out ahead of the media circus and deprive those people trying to profit from my body from having the benefit of doing so.  Therefore, I am taking the initiative to go ahead and publish the photos so that the world can see them and the person responsible for taking the photos cannot profit from it.

Here they are, I understand this is the cost associated with my fame and I’m comfortable enough with my body to share these with the world:

Rub my belly… leave me some comments!

Guess what this is?!  If you said a hamburger you are sorely mistaken.  In fact, to call the above pictured item ”meat” at all would probably be incorrect.  This… is Turkey Burger.  Follow up question: what is the one prohibited use of turkey (the actual meat)?  If you answered Turkey Burger! then you are correct!  Go ahead and wag your tail a little if you got that one right! 

Now… how do you spot a sucker at the grocery store or in a restaurant?  It’s the schmuck eating a turkey burger… and someone needs to bite his or her ankle.  These people need to know that turkey burger is not a suitable use for meat, and certainly not fit for consumption.  I’m a puppy and even I know that!!! 

I would never expect you to believe that my Beggin Strips treats are actually made out of bacon… sure, they’re the closest thing that I ever get to real human food but please, if you’re going to destroy meat at least give it to me instead of defiling perfectly good, eatable meat. 

At least I know when I walk up to my bowl in the morning that the food I am about to consume was never really something good that I could’ve possibly enjoyed.  BARK No, it was previously some leftover scraps from a meat packing plant, maybe some chickens that would no longer lay eggs, crippled horses and ponies, a little rice to hold everything together and presto! you have puppy chow! 

Why do you think they call it puppy chow?!  Chow is a word of Chinese origin dating back to around 1886 (Chinese Pidgin English according to Merriam-Webster’s online dictionary, whatever those big words mean)… the dog food is imported from China (remember those news articles about them sending us tainted puppy food!)… You people…. scratch that… you Americans never cease to amaze me.  You buy your puppy food from a country where they eat puppies… hmm, this doesn’t sound like a good idea.  They call it chow because there are probably some actual Chow Chow puppies mixed in.

Let’s learn something from this tainted dog food debacle.  Let’s not turn perfectly good turkey into a confection called turkey burger and let’s not import our dog food from a country where the eat dogs.

Editorial Note:  I cannot claim ownership of or take credit for the Turkey Burger Photo posted above.  This was found by using Google and searching for Turkey Burger.  I came across a website called Off the Broiler.  The Website’s author is Jason Perlow.  He has some good stuff on there.  Check him out, then go make a fancy dish, put the fancy dish in the car, and come visit me!

Rub my belly, leave me some comments…

As some of you may know, I have a neighbor named Betty.  I can’t quite put my paw on it but there’s just something about her that makes me wag my tail.  Everytime she comes outside to water her plants or pick blueberries in her backyard I just have to be right there by her side.

Our society is one that frowns on anything outside the norm.  If people saw me with Betty instead of my master they just wouldn’t understand it.  I mean, she is 574 in dog years (give or take 7), and I am only about 3.5 in people years.  One the surface it would seem like we have nothing in common.  But she likes to pet me, and she likes it when I come running up to her and get between her and the Gardenias that she has planted in her backyard.  We usually pull weeds together and I help her get rid of any unwanted sticks.

I can’t help but think she is always coming outside to see me.  Everytime I go outside she is moments later coming out to see me and talk to my master.  She has a nice hummingbird feeder that I need her to mount just a little lower to the ground.  It’s Sunday so she’ll probably be watering the flowers in the evening.  It’s time for my nap so I will be well rested when it’s time to go out and see Betty.  I know if I don’t see her today though, I will get to see her tomorrow when the mailman comes. 

Rub my belly, leave me some comments…

Ok, just in case you can’t tell… this is not a picture of me.  I had to clear that up first.  I found this picture out on the Internet and I just want to say this is wrong.  The long and short of the above photo and situation is this… Puppies are not hot dogs or sandwiches.  That being said, wow this is funny! 

This poor kid is going to have to try to live this down the rest of his life.  When he brings home some nice young lady his master is going to bust out these baby photos and embarrass the living WOOF out of him.  I can’t help but snicker because I know if this poor puppy’s master was willing to go through this much trouble to waste a hoagie bun on getting this photo, then he or she probably also named the dog something really uncreative and lame like Oscar or Footlong or something.  I’m glad I was named after a cool sounding bean.  Man, I am one lucky puppy.  You often take for granted how good you have it till you see what other people put their puppies through. 

I highlighted the word snicker in the paragraph above because it reminded me of a good story that my master told me.  His friend Erin told him about this.  Erin has a friend that use to live in Lindenwald. 

For those of you not from around here, this is a neighborhood with a lot of big dogs… like Aggie, a bloodhound that I recently had the chance to go visit in this very same neighborhood. 

But back to the story… Erin’s friend in Lindenwald had a dog named Snickers and also had some neighbors that were a little darker skin tone than his own pasty white master.  (Note: Hey, my dad was black and my mom was red, I can deal with diversity!) 

One day Snickers got loose in the neighborhood, probably chasing one of those fiesty bags of fur (cats) or something, and Erin’s friend went out on the front porch and proceeded to yell “Snickers… here Snickers!!!” over and over again along with some whistling, etc.  Apparently the word Snickers (when yelled with a Lindenwald draw) sounds a lot like a racially charged derogatory term.  Needless to say, Snickers moved soon after that incident to the west side of Hamilton, Ohio.

Ok, that was the story… if you didn’t get it, yell “Snickers” outloud a few times or say it really fast several times.  So, back to the photo posted above…

Posting the above photo of that poor puppy inspired me to go ahead and update my website with some new photos.  I have taken the opportunity to create a new page and add captions to my photos.  There will be more photos uploaded soon, once I get my lazy master off his rear to upload them to the Internet from his little plastic box that captures by beautiful likeness.  He calls it a “camera”… I think it’s just another toy that I should get to chew on since it’s always snapping photos of me.  It’s obviously something for me since he always gets it out whenever we go somewhere.

http://www.garbanzothedog.com/photos

Feel free to leave me ideas of where I should get more pictures taken or what types of “action scenes” you would like to see!  Rub my belly, leave me some comments!

I have to make a confession.  I’ve been led astray.  Sheepishly I followed other canines in my neighborhood who are much older than I, and since they are older, I blindly followed them and believed every word they said.  I would try to place blame somewhere else or say something like well, I’m just human, everyone makes mistakes! but I’m not human.  The neighborhood dogs told me that cats are evil.  They told me cats are out to bring us dogs down.  This could not be further from the truth.  Cats are perfectly ok, and we need them.

It turns out that cats are just lovable little fur balls like us dogs.  We have our differences of course: dog is man’s best friend, cats are lazy bags of fur.  But we have a lot in common, like how we both enjoy meat and our mutual love of trees… cats to climb in and us dogs to chew on.

What prompted this big change of heart in me you ask?!  Well, I just read a nice article about a fellow long-haired Dachshund who, being a lovable and adorable creature like myself, has taken it upon her own accord to raise and nurture a poor, defenseless kitty.

This article on Yahoo! was first published in the Victoria, Texas newspaper:  Lillie, a three year old Dachshund, has been nursing Tahoe, the kitten, since Lillie’s owner found Tahoe hiding in… of all places… her Chevy Tahoe.

 I think it’s important to put aside our differences and realize that we’re all in this crazy game of Life together, and we need each other to help survive and prosper.  I’m ready to put aside my differences with the cats and work toward peace and harmony.  We need to team together against the Bob Barkers of the world to increase our quality of life.

 Who’s with me?!  Rub my belly… leave me some comments!

My July 4th blog is updated following an email from this Bryan fellow that doesn’t like puppies.  Bryan doesn’t seem to like that my master allows me to have a website.  He says my master needs to get a life.  I got news for the ‘ol puppy hater… he’s the one leaving a dog comments on a website… who needs the life, Bry… touche! 

 Just like I can’t do the tilde over the “n” in pinata, my lack of opposable thumbs won’t let me spell touche correctly.  But you knew where I was going with that…  just like you humans don’t like me to comment on how fat you are, or how bald you are… I too appreciate those individuals that can think of POSITIVE things to say. 

 Rub my belly… leave me some comments

I found this little public service announcement on the Internet.  I think this is just some propoganda that was put out there by those Bible-thumping Menonites.  But I can’t help but sit here chewing on my ducky and hoping that it’s true.  Seeing those killer creatures running after that tabbie is a precious sight.   Let’s all do our part to make sure we help control the cat population.  Oh how I can’t stand these creatures.  They would be very tolerable, in fact I would even love having them around, without those razor blade nails on the end of their paws. 

Today is trash day.  You know what that means… buffet during my evening walk!  It’s shaping up to be a good week. 

 Oh, and by the way, I know I mis-spelled pinata.  But I don’t have thumbs so I can’t figure out how to get the tilde above the “n”.  Sorry, I’m just a dog. 

 Rub my belly, leave me some comments.

Everyone has a vice, and I think that’s a good thing as long as your vice isn’t something that is harming other puppies or people.  Having a vice is like having a hobby, everyone should have one and hopefully it’s something you can share with others who share the same interest.

I like cigarette butts and chewing gum.  I guess my idea of nirvana would be finding a piece of Nicorette gum on the ground somewhere.  Nothing beats a good cigarette butt, especially the menthol kind, after a long walk.  I prefer the fruity flavored gum over the minty kinds, but ultimately you have to take what the good Lord gives ya.

I just don’t understand how the Puritans, Quakers, Amish, Penticostals, and those Old English Sheep Dogs can go through life so dry and boring.  I mean, don’t they find that they are just basically sitting around waiting for things to happen to them?!  I guess I just don’t understand their way of life.  Or maybe it’s just that I’m young and single, I still get to sow my wild oats before some bitch comes along and makes me settle down.  Maybe things will change once I have some puppies of my own, but in the meantime I’m going to keep chewing my cigarette butts and eating gum off of the sidewalk. 

What kinds of vices do you guys have?  Rub my belly, leave me some comments…

This past weekend I had several visitors, which I always love visitors.  Needless to say this meant that I was picked up a lot (and even dropped a couple times) and I got to give lots of kisses (or licks as you humans call them).  People wondered why I was so happy and so excited.  Well, it’s the little things in life that do it for me.  Please… no jokes about my size.  If you make fun of my size I will be forced to throw some cheesy saying back in your face like It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog or big things come in small packages. 

So, I was laying around the house today and I compiled a little list of things that make me happy:

• pine cones
• lightning bugs
• dandielions
• walks through the neighborhood on trash day
• ants
• envelopes and junk mail
• socks
• cigarette butts
• gum on the sidewalk (”ABC gum I think you call it)

 I’m sure there’s more… but these things really make my tail wag.  I think we can all be happier if we just learn to enjoy the simple things in life.  Rub my belly, leave me some comments.

Well, it’s been a busy weekend.  My master’s family was in town to see me on Saturday and then today I got to go visit Gordon and Jitterbug, two couch ornaments (or “cats” as you humans call them) that live in downtown Cincinnati.  They have a cool master, Ariane, who gives me lots of toys, treats, and even incorporates me into her workout routine.

But those evil bags of tuna-eating, leg-rubbing felons somehow managed to give me worms while I was there.  I don’t know how… but I think it was in the food they gave me.  These cats were acting nice (once I put them in their place).  They showed me where they keep the sandbox, or “zen garden” as Gordon referred to it.  I got to eat all of the wonderful buried treats that I could possibly find in this little box and I loved every minute of it.  Now my tummy hurts and I know those cats had something to do with it.

I heard Ariane telling my master I have worms.  At first I was excited by this.  We never get to go fishing when we visit Winton Woods.  I thought now that I have the worms perhaps my master would take me.  Then my tummy started hurting again and suddenly I wasn’t so excited by this news.  I got some tasty concoction when we got home, and my master thinks a few more drinks of this stuff and I will be feeling better.

In the meantime, you can send get well wishes via email to my master.  Or in lieu of sending cards or flowers you may send your check made payable to Garbanzo, c/o Master Thomas Goodwin, 1440 S. Breiel Blvd, Middletown, Ohio 45044.  I fully trust him to use the money to buy me lots of treats once I am feeling better.  Or perhaps that new Miami University collar that I’ve had my eye on when we go to PetsMart.

Hope you all had a nice weekend… except for your cats (Bryan… Ariane… I’m talking to you).  Leave me some luvin… post a comment.